Written by Brett Talley, an Orange Specialist, and Mandy Baldwin, a Licensed Counselor for Couples & Teens in Indianapolis, IN
As you may have heard, the month of September is National Suicide Prevention Month. So, we want to take a few minutes to talk about why it’s so important that we as youth workers are talking about this crucial, yet sensitive, topic in our youth ministries.
Here are three solid things to consider as we are tackling this topic in our ministries with our leaders and students:
- Talking about the topics of mental health, depression, and suicide in your ministry is imperative.
As sad as it might be, suicide rates are on the rise. We could speculate all day about reasons this is true, but regardless, one of the greatest things we can do to combat this rising trend is to start and keep the conversation going about it with our students. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in adolescents and young adults ages 10-34.* The age group with the highest number of individuals contemplating suicide and attempting suicide is 18-24.* The current suicide rate is also higher among males than females. Males are four times as likely to die by suicide than females.* That statistic should affect how and where we are having these conversations too.
Finding statistics that create a compelling argument for the importance of these conversations are not difficult to find. However, it can be difficult to figure out how to have these conversations.
“It’s okay to not be okay,” is a phrase that can’t be underused with your students. In the past ten years, we, as the church and as a nation, have made strides to remove the stigma from topics like mental health. But we still have a long way to go.
One of the greatest ways that you can do this in your ministry is to have conversations about it. Whether you have dealt with this personally or you know people who have, create opportunities for them to share vulnerably about what that struggle has looked like for them.
Obviously, context is important. The way you talk about this with a 6th grader is different than the way you’d talk about this with a 12th grader. The way you talk about this from stage is different than the way you talk about this in small groups. The way you talk about this in a one-on-one conversation is different than the way you talk about it in your small group circle.
But we must keep talking about it.
Think about it like this: We don’t wait to talk about alcohol or drugs until teenagers start using them. We don’t wait to talk about sex until students are having it. We talk about these important things ahead of time so when students encounter it, they are equipped with the skills they need to navigate a situation. Most of the time, we cannot tell when someone is having thoughts of suicide. Only in the rearview mirror can we see the signs. Instead of waiting until a tragedy happens, start the conversation before it’s too late.
As we start the conversation in our ministries, it’s important to keep in mind that students are already talking about suicide.
They might know someone who has taken their own life.
They are talking about it in their health education classes at school.
They might watch a TV show where a character takes their own life.
They have had thoughts about how it would be better if they just didn’t wake up.
The conversation is already a part of their world. So keep in mind that by talking about suicide, you are not introducing the idea into their minds. When you talk about it in your ministry, you are letting them know that what they think and feel is important and worth your time. It’s a way of valuing who they are and how they are interacting in this world and in our culture, where suicide is a trending topic right now.
- Creating a safe place is a vital part of your job as a ministry leader.
Help your small group leaders understand that when it comes to this topic, they are not answer-givers; instead, they are question-askers. A small group will not become a safe place for students to share, be vulnerable, and be honest if all of their questions, problems, or struggles are met with answers and instruction. Even during the times where a small group leader might have some answers, it’s more important for the leader to help their student process what they’re feeling, where it’s coming from, and why they’re feeling it, rather than a time for them to solve their problem, answer a question, or provide instruction.
In order for you to help your leaders create a safe place, you will need to know what to do in the event a student shares that they are thinking about hurting themselves, hurting someone else, or are being hurt. As the ministry leader, you will need a mental health professional to go to in these situations because you are most likely not a licensed mental health professional. Talk with a counselor either in your church or in your community to see if they’d be willing to be a resource for your ministry if you have questions. Many times in my years of ministry, I would call a counselor and ask for their professional opinion about a situation when I was unsure about the next steps to take. The mental health professionals in your community want to be a resource to you and to your students. Find one and partner with them.
Consistency is huge when it comes to creating a safe place. Before you can expect someone to share openly with you, there must be a foundation of acceptance and trust. A huge part of this is showing up consistently. When you have the same leaders meeting with the same students on a consistent basis, this creates a much greater chance that a student will open up to that leader about these struggles if and when they are facing them.
And when these moments do come up, train your leaders to promise trust, not confidentiality.
Mandy taught me (Brett) a lot about this when we were doing youth ministry together at a church in Indianapolis. She taught me a lot during our years of doing ministry together, but one of the things that has stuck with me throughout the years is how to handle a conversation that starts with a student asking something like, “Can I tell you something you won’t tell anyone else?”
. . . The answer is no. I mean, you don’t just say no, but you respond with something along the lines of, “If you trust me enough to tell me, you can trust me enough to do what’s right with the information.” Sometimes that means sharing the information directly with their parent or guardian. Sometimes that means being with the student as they share with their parents. No matter how upset they may be that what they share may not be able to remain confidential, the conversation will begin on a foundation of trust.
As a ministry leader, do your best to equip your leaders and create a culture and a structure within your small groups where these conversations are welcomed and not shied away from.
- Resource your leaders on how to handle these conversations.
In order for your adult leaders to create safe places for your students, they need to be given the resources to do so and and then the support to do it in a healthy way. When leaders are not resourced well, they will have to do what they think is best which may or may not be the most effective. You also don’t want your leaders to feel like they are alone. There is nothing worse than a leader who feels like they have no one they can turn to when they encounter a situation or a conversation that may not know how to navigate on their own.
At Orange, we do our best to provide as many resources as possible to help your leaders be as influential and impactful as possible. Of course, there are also some amazing resources outside of the world of Orange when it comes to these kinds of issues. Below you can find a collection of resources that might be helpful in an effort to equip as many youth workers as possible to help lead this next generation as we all navigate this together.
This is such a heavy issue, and oftentimes, fear of doing the wrong thing keeps us from doing anything. But we have to remember:
The more we talk about it, the more weight we remove. Stigma is replaced with vulnerability.
The safer our groups are, the more we increase the likelihood that students will vocalize their questions, struggles, and challenges.
The more we equip our leaders to handle these conversations, the more likely they will be to create the safe spaces in the first place. They’ll be more prepared to ask the right questions, live in the tension, and handle the messy side of ministry.
Orange Resources:
Rethinking Youth Ministry Podcast: Navigating Mental Health and Suicide in Your Ministry
Processing Tragedy and Grief as a Student Ministry Leader Blog Post
Parent Cue Live Podcast: How to Recognize the Signs of Teen Depression and Suicide
For a middle school and high school stand alone message and small group discussion guide, check out the latest season of XP3 Middle School and XP3 High School HERE.
*To find more resources like Crisis Conversation Guides, visit goweekly.com.
Additional Resources:
Suicide Prevention Hotline: Call 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 for free, 24/7 crisis support in the US
This article was co-written by Mandy Baldwin. Mandy was a pastor for over 15 years. For 12 of those years she worked with youth and their families. One of her passions, currently, is working with youth who are struggling with the realities of this life and suffering through depression and anxiety. While a pastor, Mandy worked firsthand with families who experienced suicide and suicidal ideation. She understands the difficulties and the emotional weight of leading a ministry in the current cultural difficulties.
